“People have told me that my reactions are a symptom of being spoiled and not having to face the world. They said that if I was forced to participate more in society, I’d adapt.”
-“Does being called normal make you feel insulted?” “Not insulted so much as discredited.”
-“Don’t you feel frustrated with yourself for letting your fears control you so easily?” “No. I feel frustrated with the people who use my fears to control me.”
-“You’ve got a wonderful smile, girlie.” “When was the last time you even saw me smile?” “Exactly! I’m saying you should do it more.” “Why?” “So I know you’re happy. C’mon, smile for me.” “If I smile on command, then you’ll assume I’m happy? This is really all about your own comfort, then. It’s got nothing to do with me.”
“So what is it about technology that you’re afraid of?” “Well, it’s irrational.” “Just try to explain it.” “Aside from all the surveillance stuff, which I believe is reasonable to be wary of... it’s how everything feels fake and slightly off. Like those monsters in horror stories that wear human faces, but you can see the mask slip every now and then. I don’t feel the sense of immersion that everyone else feels. I see the pixels flashing behind every image and I hear the distorted vibrations behind the simulated human speech.” “That’s pretty questionable of you and is indicative of bias. What other things in life might that way of thinking apply to?” “What? I can’t think of anything else.” “In any case, to draw such a clear line between ‘organic’ and ‘manmade’ is irrational.” “What was the first thing I said when you asked me about my fear? Go on, tell me.”
“When did this happen?” “Around the same time I started willingly wearing 3/4 sleeves and cold shoulder tops.”
“I don’t want to throw away everything in order to be accepted by society. You don’t want to throw away anything in order to be accepted by society. That’s the difference.”
“The role of a caretaker is seldom something you choose for yourself. It’s forced on you again and again until it becomes a habit, and then the habit eventually becomes your identity.”
“This is the form I consider perfect. It is sexually appealing, yet has no specific points that can be sexualized. It has a mouth, but seldom speaks. It appeared out of nowhere. It can change without leaving behind any traces of its old self.”
“If I died right now, and people somehow found out who... what happened to “her”... would most of my funeral be spent reminiscing on things that happened years or decades ago? Would the people spend their time mourning someone who already died long before I did?”
“For a long time, I didn’t really ‘get’ sexual attraction. I didn’t understand the images being presented to me through media, nor why other people got so excited about them. The thing that finally made me understand was an impeccably pretty fictional character. Their beauty transcended gender and was rooted in aesthetics rather than sex. They were so pretty that it was overwhelming. And I guess that sort of... unlocked something in me? Most of the characters I was attracted to were the ones who were insanely pretty, the ones where the audience was constantly being reminded, “this character is pretty”. Which makes me wonder if this ‘attraction’ is really my own at all. If I only like what I was told to like... at the most exaggerated levels... is it even real? Do I only like Mycena because he’s the closest thing I can find to these impossible characters?”